The cult of wellness or the cult of disordered eating?

I often come across the expressions “cult of beauty” or “cult of fitness” and in as much as I understand the message conveyed by those expressions, I can’t help but wonder whether the word “cult” is exact here.

I have long been fascinated by cults and sects; name a Netflix documentary on the subject, I’ve watched it. I’m fascinated because from the outside it is so obvious what is happening and yet those involved are totally blindsided.

But back to beauty and fitness for a minute. Those two “cults” are in fact enmeshed, aren’t they? Often people want to be fit to be attractive (fit and attractive have even become synonyms) and you’d be hard pressed to find someone deemed attractive by all who is not also sporting a fit (as in athletic) body.

What is a cult?

Why don’t I think they are cults? Because the definition of a cult is as follows: a relatively small group of people having beliefs or practices, especially relating to religion, that are regarded by others as strange, or sinister, or as imposing excessive control over members. A lot of it fits but not sinister, to me; and bear with me on that one.

Is it a bad thing to want to be in good shape or attractive? No, I don’t think so. It might not be important to everyone but, equally, it should be ok for it to be important to some. To me the confusion over the fitness and beauty industries being cultish lies in the fact that they, indeed, have tribes whose practices, sometimes punishing, tend to require commitment. They echo the same concepts and can be a little be evangelistic about whatever it is they are preaching.  There’s there’s an alikeness to their flocks and, more often than not, what that congregation is after is a sense of belonging.

Take me to church

I have lost count of the number of girls in their twenties I have come across at the yoga studio I frequent who are donning matching tight high waisted shorts and bikini-like sports tops, usually in taupe colour. The look wouldn’t be complete without a messy high bun and an Oura ring dutifully positioned on the index finger. Nothing wrong with any of that, they are visually sign-posting which church they belong to. I am there too; my place of worship is “the pod” and my yoga mat is the altar upon which I sweat several times a week; but I belong to a slightly different denomination.

Regardless of your faith or denomination, I believe that what makes people keep to their practices is a yearning for connection, acceptance and belonging. We have, seemingly, never been so lonely that in this world where we can connect with anyone in the world in an instant. Together but apart, we are collectively lonely. Loneliness is perhaps the greatest ill of our society and so it is not surprising that we seek solace in group of like-minded people. This is a good thing.

Religions are good and even perhaps needed. It doesn’t matter who or what you believe in, believing is what matters. Can there be hope without faith?

When things become sinister

I know what you’re thinking: how can religions be good given all the wars? How can we condone faiths after the atrocities perpetuated by so many religious leaders? And I’d agree with that. There is a dark side to religion that we cannot ignore, and this is where things get murky and that the lines between religions and cults become blurred.

You see, most of the times, cults start as innocent enough small religious groups but before you know it, in the shadows cast by their somewhat excentric beliefs, the practices become sinister.

I sometimes wonder if my fascination with cults has anything to do with the fact that I deal with them every day. Or perhaps it is the other way round, who knows?

Religion is to fitness and beauty what cults are to eating disorders. One is an order, the other a disorder.

Me, you and the eating disorder

There are always at least three of us in the consultation space: me, the client and the eating disorder and, boy, does it become clear when I start asking the “wrong” questions.

The way I see it, a person suffering with an eating disorder is like a person trapped in cult. In case you didn’t watch any of those documentaries, you should know that leaving a cult is hell and usually can’t be done overnight. First there is denial and anger, then there is doubt, fear, guilt, shame, clarity and a desire to escape, followed by more guilt and shame, perhaps even wanting to go back to the safety of what you know even if it hurts you.

Vulnerability exploited

Cult leaders always operate in a similar way: pick someone who is vulnerable, someone who is either at rock bottom or someone who is figuring out who they are. It is no surprise that eating disorders afflict so many teenagers but also people experiencing transitions in their lives: breakups, pregnancy, menopause, injuries, ending of sporting or professional careers, sexual changes etc.

Then you promise to these lost souls that you can provide them with a solution to their “brokenness” and that by becoming a follower you can be part of an enlightened community. You are chosen because you are special and if you follow the advice, you will receive unconditional love.

Ecstatic, you might start cutting out UPFs and instead consuming reems of materials on the benefits of “real food”. You will listen to the same sermons coming from that community and will accuse those who are refuting those dogmas of being corrupted by “big pharma” . This echo-chamber will soon enough turn into propaganda with more and more bizarre practices to follow. It’s not just UPFs you need to watch out for, food needs to be organic, low sugar to avoid insulin spikes, you need to eat thirty plants a week for your microbiome, you need protein but also fermented fibre, you need to sleep but you also should carve out time to work out and lift weights because “sitting is the new smoking” etc.  

There is truth and there is dogmas

You see it always starts with a nugget of truth and then it escalates to dogmas. Of course, cooking from scratch and eating protein and fibre is important. Of course we should move our bodies. Do we need to spend hundreds on glucose monitors, anti-spike supplements, trackers, etc.? No. Do we need to feel guilty because we fed our kids fish fingers? No, it’s flaming fish for Christ’s sake!

Ok, back to you. You have now fallen down the rabbit hole and that’s when things turn sinister. So, you gradually detach yourself from your loved ones. Now, you go out less with friends and don’t spend much time with your family. That is a tried and tested technique: isolate the victim and make them think that you only hold the truth. Then ensues the rules and rigorous rituals but also the repercussions for failing. “You have eaten some cake? Then thou shalt do a hundred sit-ups”. Ecstatic turned into acetic.

Notice how someone in the throes of a cult always ends up having to work unpaid for hours on end for a salvation that they will only know when they are dead. The eating disorder is always asking you for more, but does it give you what it promised? Are you more popular, happier, pretty enough, thin enough? No, it will never be enough. The eating disorder wants you hollow so it can inhabit your space entirely. It is a type of parasitical terrorist if you wish.

Time to escape

In time, you might become tired of the rules, and you might start to doubt that this is right. Oh, but if you listen to your loved ones or your team, the eating disorder will not be happy.  The eating disorder will get angry at those profanities and shout that the advice you are given is pure heresy. “Three meals and three snacks is way too much, they don’t know what they are talking about! They don’t love you; they just want you fat so that they look better!”

As I said, leaving a cult is hard. Something at some point must give for someone to break away and there will be hurt, shame and perhaps even regret following that decision. The same goes for an eating disorder. I believe that you can’t make someone want to recover. Something must give; something must happen intrinsically for someone to be willing to put themselves through a different type of hurt. They don’t have to be ready, but they must be willing to endure that stress. There will be pain (physical and mental), there might shame (the body changing) and there might be regrets (things were easier before).

The good news is that people do leave cults and people also recover from eating disorders.

The problem isn’t faith; it’s the abuse of power.

The problem isn’t wanting to be fit or attractive; it’s sacrificing your mental health for it.

Amen