What to eat when you are NOT hungry

I know we are often extolled the virtues of intuitive eating: eat when you are hungry and stop when you’re full. There’s a lot of sense in that, but it’s not always that simple and, as always, there are many nuances.

A couple of weeks ago, I posted something in my stories about me “forcing” myself to have lunch and why. That afternoon, I got a lot of DMs thanking me for talking about this and asking me lots of questions, so I decided to create a post to expand further.

Intuitive eating doesn’t always marry well with busy schedules

Let me paint the scene first if you didn’t see that story. It was circa 12.45pm, a time around which I normally take my lunch break. I took the break but just wasn’t hungry for lunch. The reason being was that I had had breakfast circa 8.30am that morning (not late but not early either), and my breakfast was rather substantial. In all honesty, I cannot remember what I had but I know it was a good breakfast because I was really hungry that morning after my yoga session. I was then faced with a dilemma: it’s lunchtime but I’m not hungry, what do I do?

Do I:

• Skip lunch and wait for the hunger to come?
• Have something small, like a snack, and then see whether I need more during the afternoon?
• Have lunch anyway?

To be totally honest, I didn’t ask myself these questions, by now I know what I should be doing but I know such questions do arise in my clients.

Intuitive eating when you are working full time

Intuitive eating would have you skip lunch and wait for the hunger to come but that’s not always practical. I normally work in the afternoon; what if the hunger comes when I’m in the middle of a session with someone? Sure, I could have something after the session since I’m in the fortunate position of working from home. But what about if I have back-to-back appointments? I can’t eat in sessions and not eating is likely to cloud my thinking, which would be pretty unprofessional.

What happens if you are not at home?

It just so happened that I had taken the afternoon off that day to go watch my youngest son play football with school, and this is at the core of the story. I had to leave the house an hour later to get to the match and I knew that I wouldn’t be home much before 6pm. Having a meal by the side of a football pitch isn’t exactly practical, unless we’re talking a sandwich of course. From having done this before, I know it can be hard to fit in a sandwich on the side of the pitch when there are lots of parents there. I don’t mind eating in front of them but it’s hard to have a conversation when you’re the only one eating.  I could have brought some snacks, I hear you tell me, because they’re small and easier to eat. Sure, I could have. However, snacks such as cereal bars, nuts and fruit aren’t exactly filling. They might be yummy, and even nourishing, but if I’m hungry a cereal bar isn’t going to do the job. That would mean me being slightly uncomfortable all afternoon with latent hunger and that doesn’t appeal to me. Another issue with having a later lunch, in the form of a meal or a string of snacks, is that you may then not be hungry for dinner and then you end up with the same conversation and dilemma.

Eating when you are not hungry is sometimes the smartest choice

If your relationship with food is a bit shaky, this could be dangerous territory. This is when the disordered eating voice might creep in telling you to skip dinner. It can also pipe up again the next day telling you that if you start having lunch now, that’s greedy because yesterday you managed without etc… To round off my point, there was also the option of skipping lunch altogether and hoping for the best but again, personal and professional experience have shown to me that “hoping for the best” in that situation would be rather foolish. Hunger will come because it always does and you’ll find yourself with no food, getting more and more irritated, not concentrating and probably demolishing the kitchen on your way back.

Intuitive eating and recovery don’t mix

Let me say this first of all, when you are in recovery, scrap intuitive eating. You simply need to follow your plan, full stop, no questioning or bargaining (you can read more about this here). That aside, if you are recovered, or even if you are a normal eater, you may also benefit from not always being intuitive with food. Bear with.

If you are hungry, of course do eat, that’s fairly simple. If you’re always hungry, though, you may need to question why that is. Are your meals too small? Disordered eaters sometimes are so entrenched in their habits that they can’t see that what is a normal amount for them, might not be for other people. Are your meals lacking something important? Protein and fibre are pretty filling while starchy carbs and fat are satisfying; are they absent from your meals? Could it be that you never finish your meals? I often see that, people having all the right meals and snacks but never finishing anything (because they got distracted, it got cold, they had to work etc., i.e., delaying tactics) and then wondering why they are hungry all the time. I’ll try to write something on that at some point.

Eating has to be practical

So, back to my point. Sometimes, I think it is wise to eat “now” because you won’t be able to “later”. You might not be hungry “now”, but the hunger will come, it always does, and if you know that “later” you won’t be in a position to eat for whatever reason, “now” is the right time to eat, despite the lack of hunger.  This will prevent: the sneaky temptation to skip a meal (hello, potential relapse), surviving on “tissue paper snack” i.e., without substance, or getting really hungry and bingeing when you get back home.

What to eat when you are not hungry then?

• Something that is appropriate for the meal for you: breakfast things at breakfast, lunch things at lunch etc. Work with patterns.
• Known, classic, combinations: porridge, yoghurt and fruit, eggs and avocado toast, soup and bread etc. Work with habits.
• Things that you normally like. Work with memories.
• What people around you are eating. Work by mimicry.
• What you have learnt to be “right”: protein, carb, fat. Work systematically.

Spoiler alert, it won’t be the most enjoyable meal, but it will do the job, free some space in your head and ensure that you don’t completely derail.

How did I fare?

I had roasted vegetables, black rice, hummus and avocado, I seem to recall. Did I enjoy my meal? Not particularly. I liked all the elements of the meal, and I know that in other circumstances I would have loved it (I decided to work with memories) but that day it just ticked the box and did the job. Not all meals have to be amazing, it’s just food, it shouldn’t be the most important part of your day.

This meal enabled me to get on with my afternoon freely. I ended up talking with a dad most of the time, so having to feed myself would have been tricky. I wasn’t hungry so I could be present and concentrate on the match (7-nil to them, since you’re asking) and even attempted to learn what off-side actually means (don’t ask me now).

By the time we got home, I was ready for some food and luck had it that I had already prepared dinner, so all I needed to do was reheat it. Obviously when I say “luck” I mean preparation and organisation… Anyway, this was another cunning strategy in place knowing that we’d all be hungry by then and that starting dinner would be the last thing on my mind.